Monday, November 13, 2006

8 weeks 3 days

Yes, it's 4:15am and yes, I'm still having insomnia. I just feel like......crap.

All I want to do is SLEEP. Nothing else.

Yesterday, I felt so bad because it was supposed to be a day for my husband and I to spend together. I wanted to go to Pittsburgh and go out to dinner...just spend time away from home. Instead, the vicious cycle of sleep during the day and not at night just continued.... I woke up butt-crack-of-dawn early. I took the opportunity to make my husband and I some breakfast. I made homemade homefries, french toast and also made some scrambled eggs just for him. We got to enjoy breakfast together, which was nice. I managed to eat homefries (which were AWESOME! I was proud of myself) and 1 piece of french toast, along with a glass of apple juice.

After breakfast, Russ went in the hot tub, and then it hit me.... nausea. I laid down on the couch and just felt TERRIBLE, like my breakfast was going to come right back up. I watched some tv, then went back in the bedroom and figured I'd try laying down for awhile.

The dogs had been in and out, and had tracked their dirty paws ALL OVER the place.... the kitchen tile was covered. The hallway and living room had paw prints scattered everywhere. I felt so bad, because Russ goes, "Honey, can you clean that up?" and I just knew that if I ran the carpet cleaner I would just start hurling. I told him I was going to wait a little while and then do it. Well, he got impatient (he hates when the dogs mess stuff up) so he started cleaning the carpets. He poked his head in the bedroom a little bit later, and I told him how terrible I was feeling. He ended up cleaning the carpets AND the entire kitchen while I napped. When I came out of the bedroom later on, the place looked SO good. I could tell he was a little miffed at having to do it all himself, but I'm so thankful that he did.

All through the day, I was just a lazy piece of crap. I couldn't get up and do ANYTHING. I just laid on the couch, dozed off, got up and peed, laid on the couch, dozed off some more,got up and got a drink, and laid on the couch some more. That was how the day went until about 3pm. Finally I decided I needed to force myself to get up and take a shower. The shower did wonders for me. I made us dinner and spent some time with Russ, though he was downstairs watching football for most of the evening.

I felt bad lastnight though... he told me, "Come to bed with me" about 10pm. We're laying there and he said, "Honey, let's talk."

"About what?" I asked.

"About anything. We don't talk anymore. It's just "hi, bye, love you"... we haven't spent much time together lately. You're always tired and sleeping."

That made me feel about a half-inch tall. I realized that no, we hadn't talked much lately, and that we need to make more time for US before this little baby comes. I guess I've been a little selfish lately,for lack of better words... focusing on this baby and sleeping and everything, and forgetting that my husband is needing attention to. And it's not even that we're having problems in our marriage or anything...we haven't been arguing or anything like that. We just haven't been making enough time for eachother, and we're both realizing that now. (sigh)

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